FUPA + Cameltoe = ???

A certain doctor friend of mine, who is equally amused by the FUPA as I am, claimed she wanted to see lots of "GD FUPA" during Mardi Gras...err Carnival (but I won't get sidetracked). I, unfortunately, missed shitshow time with the Doc during Mardi Gras, but we all know that FUPA never gets old. In fact they usually get bigger with time, which just means there's more of them to love. In the vein of last week's Carnival, I decided that the time has finally come to appoint FUPA royalty. Yes, you heard it here first, you are about to be introduced to the first FUPA King and Fupa Queen...

This year's FUPA King is none other than Notre Dame Football Head Coach, Charlie Weis, whose FUPA frquently spreads across the hashmarks in South Bend during practices. The storied program's leader has had his ups and downs with ND Football but this year he finally led his team to a bowl game victory proving that even with a massive and notoriously famous FUPA he can get ahead. Now can he get head? That's probably another story but I don't want to think about it...

And this year's FUPA Queen goes to a notorious litterbug...yes, that's right, Nadya Suleman. Although the octomom lost her pride and sanity long ago and is soon to lose her parent's house (where her and the litter live) to foreclosure she is sure to be left with a Grade 4 to Grade 5 FUPA after pushing eight of those lil' puppies out of her octopu....uh, you get the picture.

Dis is LAGNIAPPE: In case you've ever wondered what happens when you combine a FUPA with a Camel Toe...

*shudder*

Holy FUPA, Batman!

By now most of us are familiar with FUPA's, well, the term at least. Hopefully, most of you aren't actually familiar with a FUPA because it's not a pretty sight. Trust me, I know. I have encountered one or two in my day (and that was just on that one particular girl)...What? I was drunk in college and it seemed like a good idea at the time (oy vey?). At least I pulled back 'til I figured out where I was going...sorry, I had to go there.

For those of you who don't what what a FUPA is:



*The above poster gives the androgynous definition of FUPA, but the term is commonly associated with rather robust females in which case the P stands for pu$$y.

As great of a term as FUPA is, I have often wondered if there was a less colloquial term for this phenomenon that is spreading across college campuses nationwide. Well, thanks to the studious nature of my beautiful friend, Dr. Baker, I have found out that the medical term for FUPA is Panniculus. What is shocking though is that there are apparently different grades of FUPA's:

Grade 1
Panniculus barely covers the hairline and mons pubis but not the genitalia.

Grade 2
Extends to cover the genitalia.

Grade 3
Extends to cover the upper thigh

Grade 4
Extends to cover the mid thigh.

Grade 5
Extends to cover the knees or beyond.

In case any of you nosy bodies are wondering, my FUPA experiences have never gone beyond Grade 2...I once met a girl at a certain Uptown bar with a Grade 5 FUPA and contemplated doing it just to add the story to my bucket list but I chose against it...I mean, it's pretty hard to drink a Grade 5 FUPA away. Also, beyond the terribleness of the experience I didn't want to have to have someone else help pull me out........by my feet.

If FUPA had been as major of an epidemic in the 90's Pheobe definitely would have made this song:



For, those of you wondering why I referenced Batman in the title:



Although it appears that Val Kilmer's FUPA is still a Grade 1, I would advise laying off the cheesy poofs for a bit or else Robin may start shacking at another Batcave.