Random Thoughts from the Past Few Weeks

I have kind of been on a posting hiatus here at Baller Bloggin' so I am sure I have disappointed many of my loyal readers (all 3 of you), but I am back with a few thoughts that are going through my mind at the moment. I promise to have more frequent updates through the month of July.

Congrats to the LSU Tigers: 2009 College World Series Champs!

LSU won the CWS and much like in 2008 and 2004 when they won the BCS Football National Championship there were no incidents of rioting. Drunken celebration across the state of Louisiana, but overturning of cars or burning trash cans...which brings me to the topic of that other purple and gold wearing sports team, the Lakers. Why is it that LSU (who everyone says have obnoxious fans) can win title's and spend their night celebrating on Bourbon Street but you guys have to go all April 26, 1992 on the City of Angels?

Celebrities Passing on to that Big Hollywood in the Sky

First, Ed McMahon, then Farrah Fawcet and then Michael Jackson just a few hours later. I literally was thinking to myself "Damn, she's going to get overlooked now that the King of Pop died a few hours after her." We all know celebrity deaths come in 3's and then Billy Mays had to pop up and offer us a 3+1 special bonus a few days later. Of course, Billy Mays' passing was like salt in the wound as he grabbed major headlines and Farrah Fawcet, an actual celebrity, received second billing from the media vultures. I guess timing is everything in life (and death).

I Love My State

Someone decided it was a god idea to let Hurricane Chris rap about Halle Berry inside the Louisiana House of Representatives? AWESOME!



I thought I had seen it all a few months back when they passed the greatest piece of legislation EVER recognizing Lil' Wayne for his achievements and contributions to New Orleans since Katrina: http://legis.state.la.us/billdata/streamdocument.asp?did=647325

Midget Supremacists = BIGotry

I might be going out on a limb (albet a short one) by saying these lil' guys are BIGots...except they're well little...



All of this midget talk (small talk?) reminds me of a joke I heard in the French Quarter while enjoying a ridiculous Sunday outing with friends...

If I married two midgets would that be bigamy?

Now that is something to think about...

TXTS FRM LST NGHT

As a member of Gen-tXt (defined as aged 11 - that age where arthritis makes those QWERTY buttons annoying little whippersnappers) I have recently found myself highly amused by the new website TXTS FRM LST NGHT. Also being a connoisseur of area codes (I took that old Ludacris song a little too much to heart, apparently) I was even more entertained when I saw this text and realized what area code it came from...

(201): she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.

Ah, 201...New Jersey, you never cease to amaze me...but you know what they say...


Jersey also provided a few other gems that I couldn't help but be amazed by...

(201): remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.

and den...

(201): whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc

Jersey isn't alone in perpetuating geographic stereotypes through their texts though...Courtesy of the 817 a.k.a. Ft. Worth, TX...

(817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
(1-817): OMG. What did u say?
(817): I told her I did too.

...sometimes you really do need to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em...and then you have the Massholes...

(508): you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
(978): I guess I misjudged your gender.

And then you have Los Angeles...

(949): With my blond hair and big tits getting ass is like fishing in a bathtub

I'm assuming she meant its easy because a bathtub is relatively small which would make fishing easier, but doesn't she realize there aren't fish in most bathtubs? Never mind, I read her self-description again...Maybe she meant crabbing?...and another gem courtesy of L.A...

(818): Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

And then you have the hippies down in Austin...

(512): uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.

Until next time don't let your face be wiped, unless your texts are showing up on TXTS FRM LST NGHT.

Snakes on a Plane, Pirates and Teabagging

Has anyone watched the news lately? The past few weeks headlines have been filled with some pretty ridiculous headlines. There must be something in the water because watching the news has made me feel like we're actually going backwards as a society. You really just can't make this kind of stuff up. In case any of you missed the absurdity going on in the world...

Real snakes on a plane force grounding - There's really not much else to say about this one...

The Sequel to the original we all know and love...Snakes On A Plano starring Walker Texas Ranger

And then there were the Somali Pirates that captured an American flagged vessel...Am I the only one that couldn't hear them talk about pirates without chuckling a little bit? I mean, pirates are pretty funny...I am just hoping that certain sports franchises that have pirates as their mascot change their logos to reflect the modern day pirates. Take East Carolina University for instance...

Protect your booty, the Pirates are coming.

Speaking of Piracy, weren't those guys from Metallica the leaders of the anti piracy crusade against Napster back in the day? I wonder where James Hetfield was during this pirate standoff?

Metallica: From Heavy Metal to Light Italian Silk

Shopping at the Armani store? Funny how he's against piracy when it affects his own pocketbook but not when lives are actually endangered. Didn't Metallica have an album entitled ...And Justice for All? I'm not positive, but I think so...I'm going to go download it in a bit to find out...

Now on to the Tax Day Tea Parties held to protest out of control governmental spending. Nancy Pelosi claimed that these parties were not "grass root" efforts, but rather "astro turf" efforts led by rich Republicans. Hmm...Didn't President Obama get elected by a real "grass roots" campaign...led by Hollywood and Oprah? No big money involved there.

But then things got messy (pun intended) when certain media outlets decided to turn the protests into a dirty joke about TEABAGGING...mature guys, really mature...In case any of you are unfamiliar with the term...

I am left wondering if these media outlets actually grasped what "teabagging" really means as was made clear when "intellectual" Janeane Garofalo spoke her mind on the Tax Day Tea Parties:

"That is nothing but a bunch of teabagging rednecks. And there is no way around that. And you know, you can tell these type of right wingers anything and they’ll believe it, except the truth."

Umm, if the right-wingers are teabaggers, doesn't that make her and the other left-wingers the teabagged? Just saying...Not only was this an immature attack but it was also misguided on many levels, unless she's into that sort of thing but well most would agree its better to be the teabagger than the teabagged.

Until next time let not your face be wiped, unless you're Janeane Garofalo being teabagged.

Don't Tax Me, Bro

Or as they say in Kenner, "Don't tax me, bruh."

Thought of the day: "A friend is one who takes you to lunch even if you're not tax deductable." - anonymous

Photo courtesy of the San Antonio Express-News, not the New Orleans Times-Picayune.

Until next time let not your face be wiped unless, of course, you're Tim Geitner.

Rutgers Is In The House and It's Like Where's Waldo

We all know that universities are proud of the accomplishments of their alumni, students and faculty.

The Ivy League schools pride themselves in the number of United States Presidents they have educated and often boast about their world renowned faculty that are at the forefront of their respective fields of study.

SEC schools like to tout the accomplishments of their football programs and their school pride that is inherently linked to these athletic accomplishments.

And then we have Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. With an enrollment of over 50,000 students (that's a lot of hair gel) you'd assume this institution would have lots of notable alums...other than Nobel laureate economist Milton Friedman I am struggling to point out anything else of note relating to Rutgers.

Until now...It's your time to shine, SUNJ. Rutgers has just set the Guinness world record for most Waldos in a room at once at 1,052.


Rutgers is a world leader is gathering people dressed as Waldo in one room at one time. Congrats!

Until next time, let not your face be wiped, unless you're a Rutgers student dressed as Waldo.

My Two Cents

After a few amusing encounters today I had two simple thoughts running through my head.

Have you ever noticed that common sense isn't really all that common?



and den...

My time is money and if it doesn't make sense then it sure don't make dollars so let me get me.

One last thought: I can't help but wonder if we'll even be able to work for peanuts anymore with the way the economy is sinking and all of these peanut plants being closed down due to salmonella scares....I personally think it's a little suspicious that all of these peanut processing plants are being closed ever since the Democrats took over. It almost makes you think there's a vast left wing conspiracy against elephants.

Pac-Man the Prophet

A Series of One-Liners

No, this post isn't about my night out last night but it still might blow your mind.

Oprah, Stevie Wonder, Maria Shriver pitch Obama

Am I the only one wondering...err, bad choice of words. Let me rephrase this...Has anyone else ever considered if Stevie Wonder ever thought he'd get to see a black man elected President of the United States?



...too soon?

Obama retakes oath of office after inauguration stumble

It's the remix, baby, ya dig?

Ok, I'm gonna make this one a two-liner...ahem...

Am I the only one who wonders if John McCain would have even been physically able to raise his hand for the Oath?



...too soon? At least he can pass the potatoes, though, right?

J. Crew Website Crashes Due To People Searching For Obama Items

I wonder how many times the word "plaided" was typed into the search bar.

Senator Caroline Kennedy? Y'know, things just didn't work out ...

Did I expect this to happen? You betcha!

Saddam's hometown unveils statue dedicated to man who threw shoe at President Bush

Apparently, the police later decided to give the statue the boot...



Former French President Chirac hospitalised after mauling by his clinically depressed poodle

An alternate title for this story was "French Leadership: About As Strong As FDR's Legs"

...too soon?

Another line...you guys know I have a hard time sticking to just one (call me Biden)...I love how the biased media used the term "mauled" as if this poodle were a pitbull or something of the sort...that's almost as bad as the liberal usage of the term "nabbed" I've seen in the Times-Picayune...yeah, you know what I'm talking about...I think it's TERRABULL...



Hackers Crack Into Texas Road Sign, Warn of Zombies Ahead

Is this a nerdy Austinite's idea of a street prank? I personally think it's much cooler to have one of those iconic New Orleans water meter covers...ahem...

Once again I'm not satisfied with just one line so here's a picture of what I hear these signs are being reprogrammed to say...



...as Caroline Kennedy would say "y'know, a picture if worth a thousand words, y'know"...and we all know how many lines that is, right? so much for brevity, ha?

Saints QB Brees named FedEx Air Player of the Year

I love Drew Brees, no Romo.

A Buzzer Is Beaten, Coaches Fight, and Sammy, The Headbutting Owl Gets Ejected

So the Rice owl was ejected from the Tulane game because he headbutted a referee? Sounds like that matchup was for the birds...TERRABULL...Sounds like he FOULED out...TERRABULL...but seriously, the Rice Owl got the mascot equivalant of a red card, which brings me to my Superbowl prediction (a stretch I know, but I didn't want this post to be stingy). I absolutely think the Cardinals will beat the Steelers in a close game. Why do I think this, you ask. Nothing to do with the tired discussion of Arizona's offense versus the tough defense of Pittsburg. It all comes down to one word: snow. The Steelers seemingly function off this stuff...they live in it. The Cardinals, however, are used to dealing with the drought and the weather in sunny Tampa will be just enough to tip the scale in their favor. Now, if the game were being played in Miami, well, that's another story, but we won't dabble in that right now.

Damn all this talk of snow got me talking alot. I guess I used up a lot of lines on that one. Isn't that how it always goes? It kind of reminds me of when it snowed in New Orleans in December and thats all we talked about...sorry I'm babbling on...



...RIP: Weezy the Snowman December 11, 2008 - December 11, 2008...

speaking of Weezy...

Lil Wayne Sits With CBS’ Katie Couric For All Access Grammy Special

Something about hearing Lil' Wayne, Katie Couric and grammy in one sentence just sounds wrong and hilarious at the same time...Even if Weezy doesn't win a single award during next week's ceremony something tells me he'll still be walking away with a few Grammy's...everyone knows he will...

This wound up being a lot longer than I thought it'd be...

That's what she said...

But, seriously, I guess things started out with a series of one-liners and just kind of, well, snowballed from there...oy vey!

Obamicon.Me

Unless you have lived under a rock for the past year you have seen the iconic "HOPE" posters depicting Barack Obama's image in a red, white and blue collage. Well, a lot of people have been going to Obamicon.Me to generate posters with their own picture in the same style as the Shepard Fairey original. You have surely seen one of these as a friend of yours facebook profile pic. Well, I decided to make one with my own image and also created a few for well-known sports figures and rappers, as well. Enjoy!

Second Week of '09

So Michael Irvin, Paris Hilton, CP3, Waldo Faldo, that guy who sang Summer of '69, a naughty teacher, a cougar in training and Pac-Man Jones walk into a bar...well, not really but that would be a heckuva a joke, wouldn't it?

But, seriously, there has been some crazy stuff going on in the news lately and The Blog Is Hot is there to offer some commentary...



Former Cowboy Michael Irvin says motorist threatened him with a gun

So, Michael Irvin was at a stoplight in Dallas when this happened:

“The passenger pulled out a semiautomatic and I knew what time it was,” Irvin said. “But he said ‘Oh, that’s Michael Irvin, with the Dallas Cowboys.’”

Despite being scared, Irvin said he tried to keep the conversation going.

“So we started talking about the Cowboys and everything,” he said. “Then they got back on the highway.”

Do you think at any point during their exchange Irvin uttered the words "How 'bout them Cowboys?"

He further went on to say this in the interview:

“I tell you what, I’m glad he was a Cowboy fan,” Irvin said.

Are you sure he was a Cowboys fan or was it fellow Dallas Cowboy alum (haha) Pac-Man, err Adam Jones?



Apparently, it wasn't Pac-Man, err Adam Jones since he appeared to be hangin' with his peeps at the time of the alleged incident (the Titans jersey was so he could be "incognito").

But, seriously what do you think the odds are that Michael Irvin was cracked out during this alleged incident? One piece of advice, Mr. Irvin, drugs are bad mmm'kay?

And now on to our favorite celebrity whose famous for well we still aren't sure exactly why she's famous but...You seriously can't make stuff like this up:



Paris Hilton website violated by Trojan-spreaders

Now, that sounds like a Lifestyle decision to me. But, seriously, do you think Matt Leinart got back with her over the weekend? I mean its not like he's practicing for the playoffs or anything. Although, that would mean she was violated by a washed-up Trojan. Sorry, that was just uncalled for...Oh, how I love triple entendres...

Wait, was that a picture of Paris climbing out of a giant bottle of Pepto? See, now that is an ACTUAL news story that would be worth reporting.

Now on to a new story about our beloved CP3 of the local New Orleans Hornets:



University of Missouri basketball player claims to be Chris Paul's cousin

Chris Paul denies any relation with the Mizzou baller. I personally don't see the resemblance and think it sounds like hes trying to increase his draft stock. With that said I am, however, still not convinced that CP3 isn't related to this guy...



Yes, that is Waldo Faldo of Family Matters fame and I do believe he is CP3's cousin. Real, cousin, not the street slang kind of cousin, cousin.

And in a shocking turn of events in the music industry:



Ryan Adams Is Quitting Music, Says Ryan Adams

According to a post on his blog (how self-important are you, Mr. Adams, oh, wait...):

"I am a punch-line and a footnote in what is worse to yell at someone besides 'Free-bird'. I mean, I lost."

In other news Ryan Adams was still performing music...chili-dog...

Can you match the "teacher has inappropriate relations with student" story to the right picture? It's pretty damn easy...

Primary school teacher facing jail for sending lewd texts to schoolboy after grooming him on World of Warcraft



Athletic Trainer Did More Than Tape Ankles, Apparently



The moral of the story is if you play Warcraft you will never have a chance with the Athletic Trainer...well, not that one at least...

This just in...Pac-Man, err Adam Jones appears to be emulating Lil' Wayne. He already has the dreads, knows how to "Make it Rain," has had gun charges levied against him and goes by multiple aliases and now this:



I never thought I would get to say this, but: "Pac-Man, you need to wipe your face!"

Sorry, Charlie

When I was doing my shocking and awwing (that somehow sounds dirty...) I apparently forgot a certain little guy....Sorry, Charlie...Isn't he awesome?



Awwwww....

Shock and Awe

I decided there would be no more appropriate way to start my new blog than to, well, shock and awe.

Is it just me or is this picture a little shocking?



And now for the Aww....