Snakes on a Plane, Pirates and Teabagging

Has anyone watched the news lately? The past few weeks headlines have been filled with some pretty ridiculous headlines. There must be something in the water because watching the news has made me feel like we're actually going backwards as a society. You really just can't make this kind of stuff up. In case any of you missed the absurdity going on in the world...

Real snakes on a plane force grounding - There's really not much else to say about this one...

The Sequel to the original we all know and love...Snakes On A Plano starring Walker Texas Ranger

And then there were the Somali Pirates that captured an American flagged vessel...Am I the only one that couldn't hear them talk about pirates without chuckling a little bit? I mean, pirates are pretty funny...I am just hoping that certain sports franchises that have pirates as their mascot change their logos to reflect the modern day pirates. Take East Carolina University for instance...

Protect your booty, the Pirates are coming.

Speaking of Piracy, weren't those guys from Metallica the leaders of the anti piracy crusade against Napster back in the day? I wonder where James Hetfield was during this pirate standoff?

Metallica: From Heavy Metal to Light Italian Silk

Shopping at the Armani store? Funny how he's against piracy when it affects his own pocketbook but not when lives are actually endangered. Didn't Metallica have an album entitled ...And Justice for All? I'm not positive, but I think so...I'm going to go download it in a bit to find out...

Now on to the Tax Day Tea Parties held to protest out of control governmental spending. Nancy Pelosi claimed that these parties were not "grass root" efforts, but rather "astro turf" efforts led by rich Republicans. Hmm...Didn't President Obama get elected by a real "grass roots" campaign...led by Hollywood and Oprah? No big money involved there.

But then things got messy (pun intended) when certain media outlets decided to turn the protests into a dirty joke about TEABAGGING...mature guys, really mature...In case any of you are unfamiliar with the term...

I am left wondering if these media outlets actually grasped what "teabagging" really means as was made clear when "intellectual" Janeane Garofalo spoke her mind on the Tax Day Tea Parties:

"That is nothing but a bunch of teabagging rednecks. And there is no way around that. And you know, you can tell these type of right wingers anything and they’ll believe it, except the truth."

Umm, if the right-wingers are teabaggers, doesn't that make her and the other left-wingers the teabagged? Just saying...Not only was this an immature attack but it was also misguided on many levels, unless she's into that sort of thing but well most would agree its better to be the teabagger than the teabagged.

Until next time let not your face be wiped, unless you're Janeane Garofalo being teabagged.

Don't Tax Me, Bro

Or as they say in Kenner, "Don't tax me, bruh."

Thought of the day: "A friend is one who takes you to lunch even if you're not tax deductable." - anonymous

Photo courtesy of the San Antonio Express-News, not the New Orleans Times-Picayune.

Until next time let not your face be wiped unless, of course, you're Tim Geitner.

I'm In A Snuggie (The Remix)

I previously mocked the New York Times for writing a piece on the Snuggie. While some would argue that such an article is symptomatic of the degradation of society and not the cause of it, the NYT did little to help the matter as they attempted to discuss in all seriousness the evolution of the Snuggie and its precursors, the Slanket and the Freedom Blanket. The whole article came across as rather ridiculous and did not spend nearly enough time covering the impact of the economy on advertising. The piece would have been much more significant if it would have focused more on how the slowing economy has allowed for products such as the Snuggie and ShamWow to get prime advertising time that would normally be allocated to commercials for Charles Schwab or the new Lexus...

...Ah, the old days before the recession...when people viewed the markets with optimism and had the cash credit to pay a premium for a glorified Camry with a fancy (sorta) label thrown on the trunk...

Well, at least there was some merit (not much though) to that NYT article on the Snuggie. I, However, missed the fact that the NYT ran a second and even more trivial piece on the Snuggie in the Fashion & Style section that same day. Wait, WTF? Read that again in case you missed it the first time. The NYT sent a "journalist" out for a night on the town wearing a Snuggie to see how people would react and then wrote about it in the "fashion" section. This just hurt my head and made me think to myself "...isn't this what jackets are made for?"

You know what they I say about a girl who wears a Snuggie to a bar. Its easy access...from behind.

Actual excerpt from the NYT: The sleeves were useful for holding a wineglass and for attempting yoga poses. But she was frustrated when looking for a place to stash her cellphone. “It would be nice if it had pockets,” she said.
“It’s a blanket with sleeves,” I replied. “What you are talking about is called a jacket.”

There you have it...apparently the NYT and I agree on the fact that jackets are essentially "Snuggies for going out."

Definite signs of the apocalypse:

• Apparently the NYT idea of wearing a Snuggie out wasn't too far off as there is an emerging trend of Snuggie Pub Crawls.


• THERE IS NOW A SNUGGIE RAP SONG! Yup, a Denver man, Chris Gregori, used the beat from SNL's brilliant rap song parody "On A Boat" as the basis for his own modern masterpiece, "I'm In A Snuggie"...click here to download...soon enough they'll be selling 6X Snuggies with Ed Hardy logos at your local Discount Zone gas station...TERRABULL

And now for your moment of Zen...

Laura, this Snuggie thing isn't as fun as it looked on TV.

Oy vey!

Thoughts on a Hummer: Do I have a Dirty Mind?

Recently while surfing the net I came across a review of the Hummer H2 published by Siliconeer, a general interest magazine targeting the Asian demographic. Maybe I have a dirty mind but somehow the lead-in picture for this automobile review just seems raunchy.

"As a Mom, I am supposed to be focusing on sedans and minivans, right? Okay, that was the argument I tossed around when I was unwilling to admit the vehicle’s size and width intimidated me somewhat. Well, enough is enough. This Mom has finally decided to take this 81-inch-wide vehicle on." - excerpt from the review

Once I got over being amused by this reviews juvenile sexual puns, I began to think about the decline of the SUV and its affects on the American auto industry. In the 90's the SUV was synonymous with the yuppie culture. For over a decade it was almost as American as mom (hopefully not the one that reviewed that Hummer, though) and Apple Pie. They were everywhere...at the supermarket, soccer practice, cul-de-sacs...rarely off-road though...In recent years, however, SUV sales have been going down faster than a Thai hooker at the Bangkok Spa...yeah, I said it.

Due to rising gas prices and an increasingly environmentally conscious public it has become rather politically incorrect to be seen in one of these beasts of an automobile. Detroit was behind the curve and waited a bit too long to jump off the SUV bandwagon and this lack of vision has only added to the Big Three's financial difficulties. But was it too soon to abandon these decadently large vehicles? I ask this because I think that the Big Three could have pursued a different route in addressing the declining sales of large SUV's.

With GM bringing back the Camaro and Chrysler bringing back the Charger and Challenger it appears that they are targeting a demographic yearning to relive their "glory days" when such nameplates were the king of the road. They are targeting people who are nostalgic for their past...

There is nothing worse than misguided nostalgia.

...but as we all know sometimes we do silly things in our youth and it's fair to say that romanticizing the Camaro and such cars counts as misguided nostalgia. Some things should just be left in the past. There is no need for the reincarnation of these cars and its best for everyone that they remain a piece of America's past and that we let those who just won't let go reflect on them in their little communities (read: trailer parks).

If Ford, GM and Chrysler want to use nostalgia as a means of moving their vehicles maybe they should use practical nostalgia as opposed to misguided romanticism. Let us think about what the Big Three are doing by bringing back "muscle cars" like the Challenger. They are offering to the America consumer heavy cars with relatively large bodies to haul around four people (two people in comfort) while sucking down gas quicker than that aforementioned Thai hooker. If the Big Three wants to sell large cars that guzzle gas wouldn't it be more practical for these vehicles to at least be practical (read: offer utility)?

While these auto makers feel marketing heavy, fuel inefficient cars based on nostalgic value is the way to go then perhaps they should think about utility in these trying times. While the SUV's were not economical, they at least did offer utility and practicality while burning copious amounts of fuel. Perhaps the SUV wasn't the problem and the Big Three jumped off the bandwagon too soon.

With a sinking economy and the American public reflecting kindly on the roaring economy of the 90's, maybe now is the time to bring back large SUV's and sell them on their practical applications. I mean, if you're going to drive a big heavy car that burns holes in the ozone layer as it only gets 12 miles per gallon, then why not have a practical vehicle that seats 7 as opposed to having to shoehorn the kids in the backseat of your Camaro. Not to mention driving with a few of them on your lap as most Camaro owners are known to do. The Big Three should remarket their large SUV's and sell them based upon their practicality and use the nostalgic value of the 90's as a driving force behind the campaign.

Maybe an I Love the 90's type of campaign (we are far enough removed that its not that ludicrous) would help place nostalgic memories in the minds of buyers. Heck, even get a celebrity spokesperson for these ads...a celebrity that the public associates with this time and place and the positive economic climate of the time. Jeez, who could they get that people associate with the "good times" of the 90's that would provide just the right nostalgia to evoke fond memories of the SUV's hey-day?

What better spokesperson for joys of the Hummer? We all know Bill likes 'em big (ex. Monica Lewinsky). And imagine if GM introduced a hybrid version of the Hummer. Clinton could tout the pleasure of keeping up with the Joneses while also showing love for Flowers. Now, that is the kind of nostalgia the Big Three should be trying to evoke.

Oh, and for those of you who think I have a dirty mind...

I love lamp.

Jokes on you, suckas!

I've Got This Great Idea For A Blanket With, Like, Sleeves, Dude...It's Gonna Be Huge, Bro

If you haven't seen the ads for the Snuggie then I suspect you're a hermit whose been living under a rock for the past six months....actually, no, I suspect you've been stuck on your couch protecting yourself from the cold wintry mix and unable to turn on your TV or answer the phone because of the confines of that obsolete blanket you've been huddled under. Ok, probably not. Everyone has seen the commercials for this blanket with sleeves, even those starving kids in India saw the ads while watching the Academy awards last week. For this, the people of Mumbai give many many thank you (and a goat) to the cast of Slumdog Millionaire.

Mumbai residents love their village's lone television...no Tivo. How else would they have found out that us dumb Americans have a religious like obsession with wrapping ourselves in silly sheets with sleeves...wait...damn...

Ever since I first saw the commercial for the Snuggie I thought it had to be created by some stoned (consenting drug use, not religious persecution) college kid. He was probably too lazy/high to get up for another Dr. Pepper or just didn't want to feel a chill in order to feel more chill. Pause.

Then this morning's New York Times blew my mind. In a sad sign of the times and their journalist integrity the NYT ran a piece on how the Snuggie's advertising campaign led to their success over their competition. I read the story online so at this time I am unsure if it was a cover story or not. Pause.

The story discusses the less successful precursors to the industry leading Snuggie. Sadly, blankets with sleeves are apparently an industry in America and even sadder the inventors of the Slanket and the Freedom Blanket want to be recognized for being leaders in the field...insert joke here.

It turns out that everyone's suspicions about the Snuggie being invented by a pothead college student may not have been to far off. According to the NYT story, Gary Clegg, the inventor of the Slanket was a college student who, in the late 1990's, asked his mom to sew a sleeve onto his sleeping bag since the "...remote wouldn't work through the fabric." You can't make up this kind of stuff, seriously.

Actual photo from the Slanket website. Pass this around, dude.

Initially, the design only contained one sleeve (I wonder how his roommate felt about that), but the young college student later "...added a second sleeve." Apparently this young college student found out that a Snuggie with only one sleeve could only be useful for so long as he soon discovered his problem with premature invention.

The NYT portrayal of Mr. Clegg, now a 29 year old with a "...laid-back, surfer-dude attitude," further confirms our suspicions. He is also described as a professional snowboarder (an oxymoron) who grows a scruffy beard between television appearances. While being generally laid-back, Clegg does seem to be rather bitter about the success of the Snuggie and even, get this, claims it “undermines the integrity” of his Slanket. What's he smokin'? Oh, yeah...

The NYT offers less details on the Freedom Blanket and its origins other than the fact that it actually even predated the Slanket. I suspect this lack information on the true innovator in this niche market is because of a vicious rumor that was spread about its namesake. From what i hear, the Freedom Blanket was initially to be called the French Blanket because of its more intimate feel than a regular blanket. The owner ultimately chose against the name due to his political leanings and named it the Freedom Blanket instead. Apparently, due to their political leanings, the NYT chose not to cover the Freedom Blanket. Sounds like a vast left-wing (or sleeve) conspiracy to me. But, that's just what my sources tell me.

This NYT article on the Snuggie's clever advertising being the catalyst for its success over its previous blankets with sleeves left me with four thoughts running through my head:

• What is sadder than the fact that four million people have bought Snuggies is that other people are now claiming that they had this "brilliant" idea and are fighting for recognition
  
• Next time your pothead friend says he has "a great idea" don't discredit their idea as a silly stoned thought
  
• My theory about video games being invented by some stoned college kid wanting to control the little people in the TV may not be far from the truth
  
• the NYT is a joke

Just think of the hassle and energy you could have saved this morning while reading the NYT if you had a Snuggie (or a Slanket or Freedom Blanket for you indie-kids). While you may feel like a tool for having a Snuggie you'd at least feel better knowing that you wasted less effort to read this useless article/blog.