Saturday, February 7, 2009

Holy FUPA, Batman!

By now most of us are familiar with FUPA's, well, the term at least. Hopefully, most of you aren't actually familiar with a FUPA because it's not a pretty sight. Trust me, I know. I have encountered one or two in my day (and that was just on that one particular girl)...What? I was drunk in college and it seemed like a good idea at the time (oy vey?). At least I pulled back 'til I figured out where I was going...sorry, I had to go there.

For those of you who don't what what a FUPA is:

*The above poster gives the androgynous definition of FUPA, but the term is commonly associated with rather robust females in which case the P stands for pu$$y.

As great of a term as FUPA is, I have often wondered if there was a less colloquial term for this phenomenon that is spreading across college campuses nationwide. Well, thanks to the studious nature of my beautiful friend, Dr. Baker, I have found out that the medical term for FUPA is Panniculus. What is shocking though is that there are apparently different grades of FUPA's:

Grade 1
Panniculus barely covers the hairline and mons pubis but not the genitalia.

Grade 2
Extends to cover the genitalia.

Grade 3
Extends to cover the upper thigh

Grade 4
Extends to cover the mid thigh.

Grade 5
Extends to cover the knees or beyond.

In case any of you nosy bodies are wondering, my FUPA experiences have never gone beyond Grade 2...I once met a girl at a certain Uptown bar with a Grade 5 FUPA and contemplated doing it just to add the story to my bucket list but I chose against it...I mean, it's pretty hard to drink a Grade 5 FUPA away. Also, beyond the terribleness of the experience I didn't want to have to have someone else help pull me my feet.

If FUPA had been as major of an epidemic in the 90's Pheobe definitely would have made this song:

For, those of you wondering why I referenced Batman in the title:

Although it appears that Val Kilmer's FUPA is still a Grade 1, I would advise laying off the cheesy poofs for a bit or else Robin may start shacking at another Batcave.

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