We'll Miss You, John Madden

John Madden's retirement is leaving NFL fans to wonder who will state the painfully obvious now? Madden's insight into the game will be hard to rival...how else would we have learned that the team with the most points at the end of the game is generally the winner? While his understanding of the game was unquestioned (how could it be?), we must not forget his other contributions to broadcasting. Madden's appetite frequently made for comedic genius. I'll never forget watching him cover a San Diego Chargers game (as a commentator, not literally covering it) when they cut to a shot of a local restaurant serving fish tacos. Madden was quick to note that he just wasn't comfortable eating a fish taco, which led me to believe that he rarely wipes his face. But more importantly John Madden made the turduken a household name and not merely something that your crazy relatives from the bayou serve up on Thanksgiving.

Mmm...Turducken...It gives you the meat sweats.

And then there were the Maddenisms which became part of the NFL's lexicon. More often than not they were words of praise directed towards Madden's favorite football player, Brett Favre. The happiness that Madden would exude when calling Favre a "gunslinger" or a "riverboat gambler" is the kind of pure joy usually reserved for the fat kid on the playground providing his commentary to the childlike antics of his friends from the neighborhood as he eats chicken turducken and watches them play. Oh, wait...

It seems like once Brett Favre left the game, Madden waited it out a little to make sure it was fo sho this time and then finally realized that Brett Favre had actually retired this time. Madden just couldn't go on anymore without the man, the myth, the legend in his life.

Favre walking away after sending the heartbreaking text message to Madden.

With the original gunslinger/riverboat gambler leaving football forever, Madden had lost all hope of his dreams coming true.

Madden's dreams of a "bromance" with Brett Favre were crushed. The people of Kiln, MS probably wouldn't have approved anyway.

Madden was apparently devastated about Favre's departure, but someone else was even more crushed about Madden's departure.

Romo: Why must it be this way? John Madden once said that I'm the kind of kind that can walk into a bar, shoot he 8-ball in the pocket, pick up my money and leave. Will anyone ever love me like he loved me?

Yup, that's right...Tony Romo thinks that Madden is a "big meanie" for leaving broadcasting. Who else is going to compare him to the legendary Brett Favre. It sure won't be Troy Aikman. Looks like Romo's going to have to find another cheerleader this season, but who would be silly enough to praise this guy?

Even Jessica Simpson knows that's not how the game is played.

Oh, lawd...here we go again...

Until next time let not your face be wiped, unless you're eating a turducken.