Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Walker: Texas President?

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
It seems like an uncanny coincidence that not only is Chuck Norris celebrating his 69th birthday today but it's also International Day of Awesomeness. Actually, I am clearly forgetting Chuck Norris Fact #310
  • If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

I would like to take this opportunity send Chuck Norris my regards, although he'll probably just roundhouse kick them back to me. Hope you enjoy your 69th (hopefully with Christie Brinkley) and International Awesomeness Day.

And apparently I am forgetting another important Chuck Norris fact that many of us may not have heard yet.

  • Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

Although Chuck Norris initially endorsed Republican candidate Mike Huckabee during his run for the GOP's nomination, he apparently saw the mandate that President-elect Barack Obama received from the electorate and allowed him to become the 44th President of the United States. Only fifty days into Obama's administration it seems as if Chuck Norris has seen enough of and lets his views be known in his column entitled I may run for President of Texas on the conservative website World Net Daily. You just can't make up stuff this entertaining. President of Texas? Oh, lawd...here we go...

Is he crazy for being Chuck or is Chuck just crazy? He's been around and still around like them Geico cavemen.

"I may run for president of Texas. That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state. From the East Coast to the "Left Coast," America seems to be moving further and further from its founders' vision and government."

In addition to the ideological argument that America is slipping away from its core values, Chuck Norris probably was not amused by this picture that surfaced on the internet...

Wait a minute, you're not Trivette.

But seriously, in the article Chuck highlights how he sees the United States going astray with reckless spending and big government ideas and claims that the conditions are ripe for change. He channels the views of some fringe groups in the Lone Star State that claim that Texas can secede due to a highly debated clause placed in the state's constitution when the once sovereign nation was annexed by the U.S.

"I'm not saying that other states won't muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it."

"They lost [the Battle of the Alamo], but would provide the inspiration to win the war. Their fighting spirit rallied the new-found republic, and still does to this day. So when you think all is lost in America, remember the Alamo!"

Chuck Norris doesn't remember the Alamo. The Alamo remembers Chuck Norris.

So, Chuck Norris' solution to the growing size of the United States government and its increasing role in the daily lives of Americans is for Texas to secede? And for Chuck Norris to run for the Presidency of the New Republic of Texas? While I don't doubt Chuck Norris' ability to do anything I do feel it necessary for us to examine the logistics and likelihood of these occurrences in the coming days. For right now, though, I'd like to remind everyone of a rumor I heard once...during Chuck Norris' senior year of high school he was voted Most Likely to Secede.

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